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Monday, 31 December 2012

My 30th Birthday.


Not really an electronics post - I'm sorry but it is my 30th birthday and it's finally time I can get something off my chest that has followed me everywhere for about 15 years.
The backstory is this.

When I was in school we had form tutors as each year was split up into forms so that when we weren't in a proper class like science or something we would go to our form rooms and our respective form tutor would do a filler type lesson.
One year they mixed it up a bit so you got to do the odd form time with other form tutors one of which was Mr Saunders.

The other half of the back story is that one of the things I suffer with is known as OCD - basically you have a very obsessional thought and you have to relieve that thought by reassurance, which is mostly compulsive acts such as the one everyone uses to illustrate OCD "washing hands"
you wash your hands because there is a thought they are dirty but the longer you leave it, the more dangerous the dirt becomes and so on.
one major issue with me is that if and idea gets planted in my head it will cause me more and more distress/panic attacks and everything anxiety.

So what has this got to do with OCD, Mr Saunders and my turning 30 today?
well one day we had one of those form lessons which somehow got onto statistics - you know - pointless ones that people just talk about to sound like they know stuff. Mr Saunders then said
"there is at least one of you in this classroom that won't make it to your 30th birthday"
these are words that have haunted me every day of my life since he said that. I am sure it was just one of those throwaway comments that people make but unfortunately I was in the room when it was said

I do wonder if I would have been a completely different person now if I had never heard that or
whether there would have just been something else instead.

6 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday Paul!

    I never had that particular experience, but when I was younger I never thought I'd see 21 and then 30.. seems like it's so far away when you're younger. Then I got there and realized it wasn't all that long and now time seems to be flying faster and faster. 37 came up real quick after 30. I probably would have done things differently, if I knew how fast time would go by. I think most people would.

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  2. "somehow got onto statistics - you know - pointless ones that people just talk about to sound like they know stuff."

    AWESOME... and also demonstrates the point behind pretty much *everything I say. ;) Except (or especially) when I'm talking to people who understand.

    "whether there would have just been something else instead."

    There would have been something else would be my guess. You are who you are. I would be your friend no matter what... but even though some of the things that make you you hurt (at the basest meaning of "hurt") make up you, I cherish each and every one. I'm glad my power is back on. I hate that I neglected your thoughts (blogs, etc) for so long. Robbed us both of community and love. You always make me smarter... I always have an opportunity to tell you how rad I think you are. ♥

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    1. ps... I've been for the last 4 birthday's, and will continue to be, 29. Hahaha :)

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  3. Having spent most of my life with OCD , I can totaly understand how that must have ... "felt".
    It's really a shame though, that even our generation (32 here) experienced the ignorance, the lack of basic child & teen psychology knowledge by our teachers, who most of them by the way did not give a damn.
    I wish you the best. To become free of this every moment battle with insanity. Because that's what it is. Even though doctors categorise it in the opposite direction of psychosis, it always felt like ma-ma-ma-ma-madness to me.
    I came here for the amp schematic but all your articles are exceptional. Especially this one :P
    Keep up the good work.

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    1. thankyou dude, it's a pity I didn't know of other people going through this stuff when I was in school also if you like my articles I do a normal blog - which is just personal crap but it may be of interest to someone of similar disability http://insonicbloom.blogspot.co.uk/
      I think you just commented on something else so I will end this abruptly here...
      if you do read the other blog - the forum I refer to in my rant isn't I\/Iarks forum or the BYOC/freestompbox one it's another one that I haven't linked to this site.

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  4. Paul,
    I know where you are coming from. I am now 65 years of age and, at the age of 10, one of my uncles said that my early attempts at electronics circuit design and build marked me down as a failure. Remember, this was in the very early stage of solid-state stuff.

    I thought about this for several years, not doing much in electronics work in that time, until I left school at 16. My first boss as an apprentice said to me, "Nobody succeeds unless they treat each setback as an opportunity". So, the throwaway comment from my uncle - I turned that into an opportunity. I studied electrical and electronics engineering, getting and HNC in 1968 with control theory and engineering as an endorsement. My tutor was a prof who had written the reference texts in ICs and he encouraged us all to experiment.

    At the age of 23, I joined the team that introduced the Commodore PET and later the VIC-20 to European production. That was certainly an eye opener! In fact, we made considerable improvements to the whole design of both. At the age of 34, I started my own industrial electronics company in Germany and sold it at age 40. Why Germany? They were much more on the ball than the UK at encouraging entrepreneurship at that time.

    Anyway, to get to the point (at last - phew!) ..... having been the recipient of a terrible judgement of my skills, I determined that I should never do that to anybody else. My 5 grandsons (ages 10 to 16) are all budding electronics engineers, and I have just started out with a local group of youngsters who want to learn the hands-on approach. They have all ditched PS2s and Wiis to work on Raspberry Pis and the like.

    Message - prove 'em wrong Paul! BTW - I was diagnosed as OCD - didn't do me any harm, it only gave me an obsession to succeed.

    Colin Allison

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